


The INFERNAL CRUSADE of the CHAOS-GOD-PENDRAGON Emperor of Heaven and Hell

by Aion, The Jingo (The_King_in_White)



Series: Now THIS is a Shitpost [6]
Category: Highschool DxD (Anime)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23149522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aion/pseuds/Aion, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_King_in_White/pseuds/The%20Jingo
Summary: DxD deserves this even if it doesn’t deserve Xenovia.
Series: Now THIS is a Shitpost [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1093134
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Issei Hyoudou, a perverted boy born under certain stars with a special destiny strolled under the same as the night the first time he awoke to in this world. A sacred night for a sacred boi.

The stars twinkled like fresh brewed meth from the bowels of Biden and were many different color grey green red and also oil. The wind was in the west with the smell of fresh ripe body odor, whispering the name “BigE2955”.

He knew he was a special kind of human to walk among the decadents of his degenerate species. Surrounded by idiots who only existed at the moment for their material needs not realizing their only purpose was to please him (females only because traps ARE gay).

Yes, Issei was a scholar and a sage who knew he lived in the downfallen era of the KALI YUGA.

For years he played creepy queer child that wanted to snort the moist scent from the labia of his female elders. But he had to keep his urges under control (ISSEI IS CAPABLE OF BEING A CHIRVOLOUS PERVERT GET IT IN YOUR FUCKING SKULL!!!). This was only a façade that he pretended to be.

Otherwise his boomer parents would take notice of his talents and make him die for israel. It made him sick to his stomach that he was related to them. He was by far vastly more intelligent and stronger than they would dragonize. He was made euphoric by his own intelligence and so was everyone else if he deigned to let them witness

He, the supreme gentleman was gifted with a sacred gear with a dragon inside that became his best friend and showed him a much larger world than the mundane humans could ever grant him. This sacred divine divided boosted nemea gear housed the spirit of a noble ancient beast

At the age of 4 he attained awareness that of an adult and far more intelligent than his peers or seniors would give credit for. He studied ten different schools of fingerpaintng and graduated a prodigy from the school of owning bitches

It during that time that Ddriag had spoken to him. Telling him of his gift and power, the dragon sized cock gangleballs and the smell of a god devil alpha that he would one day become

**[With my Power, you be more powerful than any god and dragon.]** The menacing growl words of the dragon had set him on the path of domination.

Soon he’ll be the DRAGON GOD-EMPEROR OF CHAOS and rule over Heaven and Hell. (DEVILS AND GODS CAN’T BEAT DRAGONS)

He pooped these annoying thoughts out of him when he felt a disturbing chill crawled out his saggy ass. ‘my scales are tingling like spiderman but not because dragon.’ It was a powerful (but not as power as him) presence nearby he sensed.

A spark of light appeared before him it was astronomically powerful though not as strong as his own increasing power. If I had to put it on a scale I’d say it’s stronger than all the ancient boomers killed by coronavirus but not as strong as the smell of Kishimoto’s dick cheese

“What are you?!” Goku yelled.

The light dimmed as he saw a golden monkey human basked before him. It was the Super Sayian God of Destruction!

“I’m the Sayian God of Destruction, Zinu. I am the ruler of the intergalactic dimensions and here to train you.” The god spoke in tone the quake the soul of his Boosted Gear.

“You will? You’ll make me powerful?” Vegeta questioned with excitement.

“Yeeeeeeeee!!!!” He scrretched of autism and pulled him out of space.

Issei felt the fabric of space hasten into a streak of rainbow as they move faster than the speed of light from 2.9u0934yui1yoiw1yri7eweiutriwqourioerytr912p sec at the far end comers of the universe into another gaping hole. Their destination reached into the world of God of Destruction also known as Florida

“THIS is where I live and train all the time here to grow stronger. The passage f linear time has no meaning, here you will learn and grow without the shackles of the age and events hindering your growing power.” He said.

“Tell me what is it that you seek to gain, Issei?”

“I wantto become the most powerful harem god-empeor dragon in the universe. THE ULTIMATE GOD-EMPEROR PENDRAGON OF CHAOS.” Issei shouted.

“BWAHAHAHAHAHA, that’s the spirit!” The Sayian god exclaimed. Already getting nipple harden (but not dick that’s gay) at the ambition of his student.

“For now,” Hen entered into a fighting pose, the position that makes you look like a sissy balley (a dancer not dangleballs). “Let us begin your session.”

Issei nod and activated his Boosted Gear. His body then coverting into crimson matalic scales all over his body and

You should know you fucking deserve this.


	2. Chapter 2

A decade has pass since his encounter and training with the Super Sayian God of Destruction Zulu (old enough to be at start of canon plot b/c I’m incapable of any actual originality).

His progress with him had made him stronger but not enough reach his maximum form (could not pull back foreskin yet was still phimosis like all my shota doujin), but enough to beat any character in this story regardless of any character development on their part.

Although while the training was to his expectations, it did came with certain eccentric moments….quite disturbing if he may add. But that’s to be expected from an god alien monkey who liked the throw his shit at him and vice versa. _Primates he shivered….._

Zulu made him lossen his pants and underwear off so he can inspect the pups and hair growth from his balls and edges of his wiener. “HA! For a grown man you sure do have a small penis!” He mocked him as he plucked a nip off of his hair between a testicals and cracks of his asshole.

He did this every hour without fail

“OEWW” Issei yelled. “You fucker! I’m a man now I have the power to grow my dick however large I want it to be!!” (Dragon’s are shapeshifters after all retards) and then he did just that by turning his 16 incher into a Naruto sized incher (but doesn’t canonically Naruto also have small penis?)

“HAHAHAHA right you are!” Zulu said, he summoned a map of the universe from his palm and incepted his intergalactic empire. His face read him of like ‘I know something you don’t you know’ (As if you have any capability of comprehension that I have to explain it to you). The map changed to earth to japan. “There’s something here that I want you to go. Your parents are sending you to an all school academy right!”

“My boomer parents you mean?” Issei snorted “And no it was all my dumb whore of a mother that did all the work. Dad just spent every day at the pachinko bar drinking heavily and sniffing flowers”

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT SOMETHING UNUSUAL? THERE’S NOTHING WRNOG WITH A MAN THAT LIKES FLOWERS OKAY STOP WITH THE HETERONORMATIVITY AND brb gotta see the wife that fucking bitch didn’t clean the kitchen today

anyway

IssEI was all powerful he knew but tolerated his parents with the illusion choosing his life for him. Simply because he was too lazy about it (and if he didn’t there would be no story).

“Mwah whatever, point is your destiny is at Kouh Academy. You will know when when you see it’s. It isn’t complicated since it anime ya know.” (And DxD is less complicated than most)

“Alright then!” BUT FIRST the battle between father and son for once Issei was the sinner but now he was the jesus

Issei looked at Zulu and looked away and looked back and then turned on his superman lazerbeam eyes and shot them at Zulu AVADA KEDAVRA and then they hit Zulu and he died INSTANTLY he did not even attempt to resist and in doing so he subverted all expectations and also bumped off a character so that I don’t have to think about him anymore.

What, you didn’t like it? Well maybe you shouldn’t be such a toxic and entitled fan

(the last jedi was truly a cinematic masterpiece of Hillary Clinton proportions and we all fucking know it)

Just like that, Issei summoned his sacred gear and farted out back on planet earth. It was many techniques he learned from the Super Sayian God of Destruction that he defeat and was on his way to become the INFERNO CRUSADE of the CHAOS-GOD-PENDRAGON-EMPEROR.

Stepping out into kuoh town in a hidden alleyway where no mundane human would ever think to venture (hence why it was full of garbage bags and copulating homeless Republicans) Issei stopped and took a breath

‘Fic writers have to make me super awesome and super powerful in contrast to my canonical persona in real life would be a doomed virgin for you incels. Because fuck you that’s why and project yourselves onto me as was intended by Ishibumi.’ Issei said fourth wall to YOU the audience. And no not all readers but you know exactly which cringy writers who make a habit of making me god awful wanky in composition of their own lack of sexual prowess and spectacular underbites.

So basically just YOU, and YOU know who you are.

‘God fucking shit. I’m practically a cosmic horror mpreg tranny baby of Dark Schnider of BASTARD!!! And Naruto shitty fics (and Bleach fics too but do people even still read those???). But fuck it, I’ll still be 110% times better than my original thanks to satire.’

(Anyway back at present) Issei strolled the famous(it’s not that famous) academy in japan Kouh/Hitler Academy. A domain former safe space for all females with most biggest tittes curviest bodies shaped asses and tightest pussies that’ll crush your dick harder than if you did with a brink and cheese grinder in the world (kind of resembles the unyielding pressure with which Joe Biden grips children as they attempt to escape the sniffage). There are many foreigners for the DiVeRsIty. (but not really it’s mostly because the target audience wants to fuck girls for every niche fetish ever conceived of)

Didn’t matter shit anyway. Apparently it become open for boys now which made Issei screech internally, not because he was worried that he couldn’t get a girlfriend (all of them really) but because they would hasel him to no end of his supreme ability to fuck them on the spot by his amazing horse- giraffe sized cock. 115 inches long man (reeeeeeeeee he could literally destroy a you know who white cat’s pussi) and as thick as a roll of Flex Tape


	3. Chapter 3

Koneko nibbled on her chocolate candy bar, ignoring the lectures of her class, because that’s what smart and coolass people do they don’t give a FUCK about education or following the rules or even gaping gooey adolf Hitler/anne frank smutty creampies FUCK BROTHER

Her teacher was an annoying pest and creep. His name was John Smith and he mostly just spent everyday being a white male, which was enough to make him an irredeemable school schooting monster that needs to give up everything he ever owned or will ever own (along with his labor) to fund dem programs (reparations).

He was okay with her doing whatever she wanted, hoping that it will grant him scores to stick his small willy into her (men don’t do nice things without ultierior sexual motives).

From what she heard from the other girls, some of the guys caught wind of him at a hotel with a prostitute sticking a hamster in his ass and it was bigger than his dick(and yours too for that matter). She was grateful that Rias her master that put her on a leash kept all the pervs away.

A kitty she may be, but cats were picky over choosing favorites. And as we all know Koneko as an individual is motivated by animal traits and thus mating instinct as is ideal for a pathetic fucktard’s wet dream.

“Alrighty!” Said her perverted teacher whose voice sounded as though he lost all his testosterone. (She almost had the chance to punch his balls into oblivion when he walked by. Remember kids violence against men is always the answer) 

“We have a new student come to our classes. But no can outshine your teacher ehhhhhhhhhhh??!!!!!” He asked almost pleadingly to his class even to the boys who he sometimes would try if desperate.

_Ugh_ Koneko was disgusted by such unforgivable microagressions. She was one that relay flirted on the idea of taking anyone here that could give her the “heat”. Devil she may be, her yokai neko traits still were part of her. Rias and Akeno were a possible choice (god hates fags and so do i but lesbians don’t count cos they make my peepee hard) but they were to tight pair of scissors already jammed together to take notice of anyone else. If only-

A clung of scent drawn into distortion when she began to smell and huff and listen and touch and taste and sense a prescense enter into the classroom. It felt strong and with a fiber of enormous hybrid vigor that was unlike any she could feel.

She started sweeting between her hairy armpits. Her hidden tails harden like clenched penises. Her heart started beating fast and even her butthole started winking like joe biden after a good child sniffing session

“Ah _Issei,”_ The professor announced with a snear (like a British cunt would sound like – fuck brits they disgust 1776 best fuckin year of my life) “Welcome to your first day here, please take a seat that’s open.”

A young man stood in front of the class. Her feline cat eyes widen and dilated beholden of what’s in front her. Perfectly dressed in all black student outfit in dressed shoes. Hair white as snow and reptilian red eyes (actually brown hair brown eyes like normal people, don’t want to confuse the reader this IS a self insert for everyday plebs after all). She quake and felt something she haven’t though possible.

**_OM MY FUCKING GODS AN DVEILS ALIKE WHAT A HANDSOME FUCK IN NEED THE GIANT COCK I CAN SMELL RIGHT NOW AND SUCK AND FUCK FUCK UFKCU FUCKFNSDIJ_ **

****

“HI I’m Issei,” He politely announced as he turned his eyes director at hers. “I hope we can become good friends after class.”

_Yes he was directing it at me, I’m feeeeellling soooo hooooot right now I need to burn it out-_

Then issei whipped out his dick and started breakdancing like McLovin does when he’s hyped up on jenkem (exclusively my fermented shit he doesn’t buy from other dealers). And then something interesting happened I’m sure but you’ll have to tune in next time, and just so you know this is an HBO exclusive. Fork over those shekels now kids.

Alright.

I'm going to give you my biggest ball busting bonanza as an author.

Speaking honestly and considering the basic premise of this work, I have to say that I don't give a flying fuck about this latest chapter. It was absolute garbage, totally derivative trash. I would struggle to even conceive of a single reader that gives a Dumbledore's rape about this plotline. You had an incredibly basic arc that could be smoothly completed and instead we're left with an inconsistent and uncertain mess.

What characters are alive? What do they want? What are they willing to do? Are they able to resist potions and curses? When will someone decide it all has to end? Who is raping who and why? The potential was there, but I'm just sitting here wondering if my life would have turned out better if I carved my own eyes out with rusty spoons.


	4. Chapter 4

so anyway like three and half of a quarter of a year later class finally ended

issei turned his head around and goggle at koneko "sup bitch" he asked and then laffed and before she could even say anything he got up and drank a fuckload of laxatives and blast records the fuck anal music of his ass shitting that load out and it would be actually better than anything that white hair slutty thot could even convince or contrive to say

unfortunately tho this bitch decided to just spill her entire fucking backstory in flashback form (no i'm not gonna fucking type it out for you watch the show retards) and so issei just waited patiently as she shifted from cardboard haremette to slightly even thicker cardboard (maybe the milimetre of size difference between ur micropeen and mine) and thus got instant rave reviews for her nuanced and complicated portrayal

ah yes female character development a fanfic writers mortal enemy truly i do the work of heroes

once all that fuckin bullshit was over issei just nodded and said "imma save u believe it" and then koneko's fuckin pussy fuckin gushed like the way joe biden's diaper does when he lets loose a wet ripper coughing fit and pants of shit. all it took to capture that kitty's heart and virginity (all virignities INCLUDING HANDHOLDING issei ain't a fucking cuck and we are not compensating for anything right now) was exhibiting the superhuman trait of having minimal bareass empathy for someone else's struggles (keep collecting those nice guy points i promise you stacy will definitely let you like the creampies out of her blown out pussy someday my fellow alpha male nerds)

So FINALLY we get to the good part all flags were set and now issei got down and dirty with Girl #1 pulled out his dik his balls his armipts but not eyes and started to rub and rub on konekop's big floppy corn on the cob and it was so fukin good he fuckin splooged right then and there (and so did you reading this top level smut description) but that boy had the heart of slug and he was gonna get more dan one nut that day and so he went again and this time actually put benis in booper and slammed that salami like it last night's overdue homework assignment

"ISSEI COME TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE RIGHT NOW"

OH FRUCK

pissing his butthole issei yellow in frustration got up put on his panties and went to beat the shit out of that fucking virgin noob pencilneck for getting in his way of his nut but as he took three steps 9NOT FOUR YOU TARDS outside the front door all he saw is red and his nose started to bleed like an anime protagonist "WHO THIS SEXY BITCH"

(actually is red and big boobs and sexy underwear but that is a spoiler tune in next time for $3.99 bargain bin yogurt sales)


	5. Chapter 5

issei/god/ME was in totall bondusion at the sight of this crushy pussy redhaired succubus badoinkadoink. On the one hand was all the good in the world, like tits and ass and pussy and softgiurl smell nice. On the other, on the other, this bitch killed ME, the magnificent and untouchable and coolass ME killed just to make issei/god a pussy ass bitch slave in her gay ass bitch harem of homosex and inbrededness.

therefore issei did what he (and you and me for that matter) did what he always did when confronted with choices. RUN AWAY

That slick boi turned like a bat was on his ass and ran down the hall and ran out the doors and ran all the way home to the hairy armpits of my brother abdullah in his mountain hut in the mountains of nepal so he could shit and think for a bit about the meaning of life

(just kidding we all know it's tits)

having satisfied his need to be a coward like typical virgin self insert protagonist issei propmtly ripped open the fabric of the universe and popped over to fuyuki and put his tongue in Tohsaka's defenceless anus and then went back to school at the world famous Kuoh/Hitler academy (it actually is famous now) where redhaired slut btich was still standing in the hall in sheer awe and aroused dripping earwax at the godly plainness of this perverted retard

"um yes hello my name is rias"

"bitch"

"oh my god i love you"

IT DIDN'T EVEN TAKE A CHARACTER ARC OR ANYTNING it was enough to smell the dragoni;ze and this purebred high class bitch (all women are bitches and all bitches are low class though? truloy a mystery of fruit loops importance) just instantly decided that this dumb sex criminal was worth all of her Evil Pieces and gave them to Issei all right away there were eight of them and they were

1 - evil mutant piece, noodle shape

2 - harry potter collectable figurine

3 - bottle of epto bismol (NOT PEPTO IT'S AN ORIGINAL BRAND CALL ME AND BUY IT'LL CLEAN YOU RIGHT OUT)

4 - ball of grease and sweat scrapped off of naruto's godly gooch

5 - secret flavour breast milk of biden ;you know the one

6 - ????

7 - evil mutant piece, horsey shape

8 - sacred mutant piece, ;jesus' codpiece

yes, issei ate the power and lfelt the the infernal chaos hell strength flow in his veins it burn like salt on my asshole and thlen he turned and slapped rias with his giant cockmeat and then smirked and said "

> Stop talking to my boyfriend. I know you do it for a reaction from me, but it just isn't funny at all. The way you talk to him is literally so weird and it makes me so upset. And it's annoying as hell to because I like you as a person, but I hate when you do this bullshit. I don't know if you do it for my reaction, or because you have a thing for my boyfriend or whatever, but just knock it off. He's my boyfriend and you're making me extremely uncomfortable, and I can imagine he doesn't like the way you bother him either. You can text her in chat whatever, I don't care, but stop talking to him the way you do now: it's annoying and it makes it seem like you've never had an interaction with a hot male in your entire life. I'm not going to give you my cringe/annoying responses where I say "I'm going to kick your ass" or whatever, but just stop. It makes me feel so angry and uncomfortable, you don't even understand."


End file.
